My Monday morning
Mum woke me up by turning on the light it felt like 4am I get up and turn the light off then slowly dozed off to sleep.
Suddenly mom yells at me because I'm not up. As I open my eyes there was a light beaming through the drapes like the sun reflecting from a mirror into your eyes.Then stretch for 5 minutes then I hear the rain As I opened the drapes my sister and me see the gigantic gum trees towing over the house finally I decided to get up and have my breakfast.
As I am about to hop in the car I remembered I need to get Ellie my dog then I take my bag and hop in the car then we drive off to the small old school the bell rings I give Mom a kiss goodbye and make my way into class to start the day.
By caitlin
Age 9
Well done, Caitlin. I especially like the bit about the sun beaming through the drapes. Next time for BTB I think you could include more similes and descriptive language like the sun bit. Also, I find the colour hard to read. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlin, Well done. I like how much detail you put into this story. Please stick to one colour on the story it is a bit hard to read at the moment. Also next time use more punctuation for a example
ReplyDeleteAs I am about to hop in the car I remembered I need to get Ellie my dog then I take my bag and hop in the car then we drive off to the small old school the bell rings I give Mom a kiss goodbye and make my way into class to start the day.
It is a very good piece of writing but only one full stop no commas.
Nice work - Emma
Check out my blog http://paroagreyemmab.blogspot.co.nz/
Hi Caitlin, Well done. I like how much detail you put into this story. Please stick to one colour on the story it is a bit hard to read at the moment. Also next time use more punctuation for a example
ReplyDeleteAs I am about to hop in the car I remembered I need to get Ellie my dog then I take my bag and hop in the car then we drive off to the small old school the bell rings I give Mom a kiss goodbye and make my way into class to start the day.
It is a very good piece of writing but only one full stop no commas.
Nice work - Emma
Check out my blog http://paroagreyemmab.blogspot.co.nz/
Hi Caitlin,i like how you explained your Monday morning experience and how you used a describing words like you dozed back to sleep instead of I went back to sleep.
ReplyDeleteNext time could you could put a comma so you can take a small breath.
Thanks,
Holly.
Talofa lava Caitlin my name is Claire and I'm 9 years and I really like your writing of My Monday Morning. I think you put full stops and capital letters in the right place and you put a lot of descriptive words in your writing well done. Maybe next time you could put better sentence starters at the beginning of your sentences. I really love the cool colours you used. If you get time you could visit my blog and please feel free to comment.
ReplyDeletehttp://wpsclairew.blogspot.co.nz/