My Monday morning
Mum woke me up by turning on the light it felt like 4am I get up and turn the light off then slowly dozed off to sleep.
Suddenly mom yells at me because I'm not up. As I open my eyes there was a light beaming through the drapes like the sun reflecting from a mirror into your eyes.Then stretch for 5 minutes then I hear the rain As I opened the drapes my sister and me see the gigantic gum trees towing over the house finally I decided to get up and have my breakfast.
As I am about to hop in the car I remembered I need to get Ellie my dog then I take my bag and hop in the car then we drive off to the small old school the bell rings I give Mom a kiss goodbye and make my way into class to start the day.
By caitlin
Age 9
Well done, Caitlin. I especially like the bit about the sun beaming through the drapes. Next time for BTB I think you could include more similes and descriptive language like the sun bit. Also, I find the colour hard to read. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlin, Well done. I like how much detail you put into this story. Please stick to one colour on the story it is a bit hard to read at the moment. Also next time use more punctuation for a example
ReplyDeleteAs I am about to hop in the car I remembered I need to get Ellie my dog then I take my bag and hop in the car then we drive off to the small old school the bell rings I give Mom a kiss goodbye and make my way into class to start the day.
It is a very good piece of writing but only one full stop no commas.
Nice work - Emma
Check out my blog http://paroagreyemmab.blogspot.co.nz/
Hi Caitlin, Well done. I like how much detail you put into this story. Please stick to one colour on the story it is a bit hard to read at the moment. Also next time use more punctuation for a example
ReplyDeleteAs I am about to hop in the car I remembered I need to get Ellie my dog then I take my bag and hop in the car then we drive off to the small old school the bell rings I give Mom a kiss goodbye and make my way into class to start the day.
It is a very good piece of writing but only one full stop no commas.
Nice work - Emma
Check out my blog http://paroagreyemmab.blogspot.co.nz/
Hello Caitlin.
ReplyDeleteGreat descriptive piece of writing. I like how you described "As I opened the drapes my sister and me see the gigantic gum trees towing over my house"
Next time try working on punctuation and maybe sticking to one colour for the font.
Zachary- GMS
Hi Caitlin,i like how you explained your Monday morning experience and how you used a describing words like you dozed back to sleep instead of I went back to sleep.
ReplyDeleteNext time could you could put a comma so you can take a small breath.
Thanks,
Holly.
Hi Caitlin, I love your writing, next time please use one colour because it's a bit hard to read. Maybe you could use more grammar. Do you and your sister share a room? Great descriptive writing.
ReplyDeleteFrom Nina
Hello Caitlin
ReplyDeleteI really like your writing but the words are a bit too bright and I cant read it that well. Next time check that sentences make sense and you could try using some commas.
From Jessica - Grey Main School
Talofa lava Caitlin my name is Claire and I'm 9 years and I really like your writing of My Monday Morning. I think you put full stops and capital letters in the right place and you put a lot of descriptive words in your writing well done. Maybe next time you could put better sentence starters at the beginning of your sentences. I really love the cool colours you used. If you get time you could visit my blog and please feel free to comment.
ReplyDeletehttp://wpsclairew.blogspot.co.nz/
Ki Ora Caitlin. I love this piece of writing and it was cool to have something for some people to relate to! Next time your could find a space to put a comma instead of a full stop to lengthen your sentence. I also loved the bright colors but maybe chose some colors that might be a wee bit easier to read.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job!
Bronah - GMS